What I want this Christmas

Gifts...songs...snow...fireworks...

Wait a bit!

Snow?

We don't have snow...alright but we could feel it in the air (anyone?)!

What will I give myself this Christmas?

I wanted a Nokia C6 this Christmas. C6 for its sophistication both in form and substance relative to my preference. I'm thinking of a new wardrobe. And what about that planned trip?

Whew!

So much for so little time!

After twelve months of hard work, selfless sacrifices and countless sleepless nights, among other people, I deserve a gift. Before anyone else, I should start to please and reward myself for all that I've done this year.

While many will be busy buying gifts and planning holiday events and getaways, how many of us are planning for a getaway all by ourselves? Have we been planning for what we want this Christmas? Is it right to say that every December, we plan for someone else's happiness because we find ourselves happy doing so?

Not this Christmas - it's going to be different. I'll think of myself and what I want to reward myself for the year's worth of effort for victory amidst the battle for survival.

The trivial question is - what do I really want this Christmas? Material things which I may not have much but have no need. C6? I already have my phone. Clothes? Thanks, I already have the basic things I need. So what is missing?

A dear friend of mine introduced me to the world of Pablo Neruda. Browsing through his works, I found a very nice quotation reflecting a valuable perception of life. It may not necessarily apply to specific relationship but in general sense, I found it useful.

In one of his quotations, Neruda said "Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us". Immediately, it hit me - eureka! I knew it - acceptance, this is what I need this Christmas. For all the years of struggles, I've never been able to accept that life has run its course, that where I am right now translates to what I have been doing beforehand. What I will be tomorrow will be affected by what I am doing right now at this very moment.

Acceptance that life if so much more meaningful than I have previously thought it was. There is value to every tear drop I shed for anything and everything I feel worthy of it. I cry, yes I do, a lot when necessary, but why do I have to cry? Sometimes, I do not know the answer. And there are times when it is impossible to say what I feel.

If we ask ourselves, could we find meaning in the phrase 'those who cannot love us'?
Yes, honestly, not because I went through a lot this year but looking back, I found people who did not agree with me, those who could not stand seeing me, much more talk and interact despite the need. There are those who despise me. People who choose to be away and those who simply do not want to be with me for no particular reason at all - these are the people who cannot love me. And this Christmas, I will reward myself by generously forgetting them.

What will this bring me this year?

I will have an entirely new year. I will be leaving 2010 behind and embrace 2011 anew. Perfect start for everything - defining career, life objectives and target results by next December.

So much more to say, Merry Christmas everyone!